Each of us was born to dad and mom, for our creation the energy of two was needed, otherwise we simply would not exist. Behind them are their parents, behind each of them are their ancestors, and so on. All these people, whether they are alive or dead, make up a single system to which we belong or our KIND.
We are connected with our Family through our parents, we can draw tremendous strength from there, if our connections are not broken, if we do not violate the laws of the system to which we belong. In addition to blood relatives, the tribal system includes other people and souls who were in our life and had some kind of strong influence on us.
- the ancestral system includes all those who were born in it (myself, my brothers and sisters, this also includes abortions, miscarriages, early dead children, abandoned children, as well as adopted ones);
- all direct relatives up to the seventh knee back (grandmother – grandfather, great-grandmother – great-grandfather) and forward (children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren) with their connections, their partners, their significant people in life;
- all partners with whom there was strong emotional or intimate contact (ex-husbands and wives, first love, all sexual partners);
- all those people who helped the Family to survive, saved the life of some of the members of the Family, performed some kind of deed (at the front they carried them out of the enemy’s fire, gave their ration of bread in times of famine, saved lives during a fire, etc. .);
- all those people who caused any damage to the tribal system, threatened the life or well-being of any member of the system (rapists, enemies, murderers, thieves, etc.);
- all those who had a special fate – serious illnesses, insanity, disability, strange or terrible fate, murderers, killed.
As you can see, there are a lot of people with whom we are directly or indirectly connected, and who have an important influence on us – both positive and negative. Many of them simply help us, protect us and give us strength to live and act in this world. But there are those whose ties have been broken, and require restoration, recognition, their acceptance into the tribal system and respect for their difficult fate. If in our ancestral system all connections are established, the laws are observed, our life will be quite smooth and happy. Problems, serious illnesses, misfortunes come into our lives when we violate the laws of the system, even if we do not know anything about them. What laws are in force in the system?
The law of belonging to the system
Everyone who once entered the clan, the system, remains in it forever. We cannot, at will, throw them away, delete them from our lives, forget or delete them. This includes abortions, miscarriages, early deaths, murderers and other unsuccessful elements of the family (which you want to quickly forget about), ex-husbands and wives, intimate partners, etc. Once they were in our life, and they have a place in it forever. It is important to remember this and pay tribute to them, whatever they may be.
If we delete a member of our system from our heart and remove it from the system, then the younger member of the genus (child) will replace him. How can this be seen?
For example, a man had a brother who took drugs and died of an overdose. They preferred to forget about him, the photographs were destroyed, the children were never told about him, and the boy who grew up in this man’s family never knew anything about his uncle. Everything changed when the boy became a teenager – he got involved with bad company, started skipping school, drinking with friends, and at sixteen he tried drugs. Looking at his son, the father remembered his brother with bitterness, and watched with horror the fate of his son, waiting for a tragic outcome. And if in the father’s heart there was a place for his unlucky brother, if the child knew about the fate of his uncle, saw and understood how his life ended tragically, he would have chosen a different path.
The solution to this situation is to give a place to a member of this clan in the heart of each of those living now, to accept his choice and pay tribute to his difficult fate.
The law of hierarchy
Those who entered the ancestral system earlier have priority over those who entered it later. This means that parents have priority over children, and older brothers and sisters over younger ones. This means that ex-wives and husbands have an advantage over those who came to the family later.
However, the new family has a higher priority than the previous one.
This means that it is important to respect our parents, it is important to pay tribute to the former family (respect the ex-wife or husband and take care of children from first marriages), it is important to take care of our children, but at the same time, we should have the highest priority relationship with our partner – with our husband. or wife.
The law of love or orders of love
The energy of love flows from ancestors to descendants and never vice versa. This means that we need to direct all our love energy to our children, and not to our parents, as women often do. When a woman is put as a mom for her parents, her children are left without maternal energy, and this creates big problems in the relationship.
Our task is to learn to honor our parents, to respect them, but at the same time not to educate them, not to treat them like children, not to remake them in our own way.
The law of balance between giving and taking
Harmony in a relationship exists only when there is a balance between “giving” and “taking” energy. You are probably aware of the imbalances:
– when a person only gives, being for everyone a wand – a lifesaver, a reliable executor of any desires and requests. At some point, such a person will feel exhaustion, he will run out of energy, and he will begin to demand from others – gratitude, some actions in his address, and not receiving this from others, he will experience bitter disappointment, not realizing that he is his own behavior has created a similar attitude towards myself. It is very difficult for him to take, accept gifts, he immediately feels himself a debtor and strives to serve again in order to work out what was given to him. If a person only gives and does not take anything, he makes the other his debtor. And if that person has already accumulated too many debts to you, it is much easier for him to leave than to pay off the debts. Husbands often do this to women who constantly tried to please them – their debt became so great to their wife that they would not have had enough life to pay it off, especially since she does not allow him to do this.
– there is another extreme, when a person only takes. He clearly knows what he needs and builds relationships with everyone so that it is profitable for him, in order to get as much benefit as possible. These relationships are also doomed to failure – sooner or later another person will get tired of being used for their own purposes, and then grievances, demands, scandals and a break in relations will begin.
How to balance
There are two great rules in a relationship to grow all the good things in them and diminish all the bad things.
Rule one. If we receive something good from another, it is important for us to give him a little more than we received from him. For example, your husband bought you new earrings, and you cooked him his favorite dish and set the table beautifully.
It is important to give just a LITTLE more so that the exchange would still be of equal value, otherwise if for every kind word from your husband you clean the apartment, cook food for him, wash clothes and be an exemplary wife, he simply will not go beyond words, because You yourself have rated yourself very cheaply.
Having received from you a little more than he gave himself, he will strive to please you further. What do we do when the other person hurts us? Make him hurt even more? Then the pain will snowball. For this there is:
The second rule. If we receive something bad from another, we need to give him a little LESS bad, and then in the relationship it will decrease. For example, if a man stepped on your foot painfully in transport, you do not need to shout at the whole bus “Well, you and the elephant are clumsy, as soon as the earth carries you”, this will only give him the desire to throw you out of the bus. Suffice it to say “oh, you hurt me a lot.”
This balance must be observed everywhere – not only in the family, but also at work, in relationships with friends and any other people. If a subordinate allows his boss to rip off his bad mood on him, this will not lead to anything good. It is important to tell the boss that he is behaving unacceptably, but to do it respectfully and not in front of everyone.
If a person does a lot of work, and at the same time receives a small salary, do not expect to be appreciated. On the contrary, such people are not respected, and they are the first to be laid off.
If you constantly serve your friends as a vest for their problems, and you yourself cannot call them when grief happens to you, it means that you are only giving away, and does not know how to take in friendship.
The Law of Unlived Emotions
Any unlived emotion (anger, fear, joy, sorrow) will seek a way out until a situation arises where this emotion can manifest itself.
We are real people, and we tend to experience different emotions that are not always pleasant for us. And it is important for us to learn to experience and manifest them, and not hide them in ourselves, otherwise they will turn into diseases or problems, and we will carry this burden, not realizing that we ourselves have created it, once without experiencing grief for the deceased mother or not expressing our anger in response to the betrayal of a loved one. There can be many such cases, and constellations show very well what emotion is hidden behind a particular problem.
Quite recently, participating in the constellation as a substitute, I felt great relief after sobbing over the client’s deceased father – I still have unsettled grief for my father and mother, who died not so long ago, and only in the constellation, being in the role of another person , I was able to free myself from it, take off a huge burden of emotions, which has already begun to affect my health.
You are probably familiar with situations when a woman loses one by one her loved ones, but at the same time keeps herself “well done.” However, situations of loss of loved ones are repeated for the reason that this woman does not give herself the right to throw a tantrum, to experience her grief in full, to give vent to her emotions in order to stop slowly dying and start living.