Understand the game One-sided sex situations that annoy everyone
What does it mean One-sided play. One-sided game:
I don’t know why I should live without him! I do not know how and do not want to live without him! Why do I need life without him ?! Why do I need such a life if he is not with me ?! What should I do to make him stay? What did I do wrong? Why is he doing this to me? For what? Did he really not understand that no one, no one except me, would love him like this, could not just … And me? I know for sure that I will never be able to love anyone again! How to live now?
She repeated these words over and over. Sometimes it is plaintive, whimpering in time with his own words; then shouting it all out, as if it were accusations against everyone and everything; then pronouncing his speech monotonously, thoughtfully.
The girls were already tired of listening to her moaning, but to be distracted, to switch to something else, she clearly did not plan and did not intend, at least in the next 100 years. No, they are real friends, rushed to her on the first call immediately, leaving everything their business and not business, leaving everything, in general. To support a friend is a sacred cause, especially when for a long time everyone saw and understood that the relationship between their girlfriend and her martyr was based on parole, and not today or tomorrow should come to naught.
They understood and saw everything except her. The girls’ timid attempts to “open” her eyes, at first covertly, subtly, and then frankly hint, but what is there, directly say: “Wake up, there is nothing between you, you have built a relationship with yourself, our unfortunate you. He did not take part in them initially, he did not support your plans, you peacefully coexisted in one space and nothing more. He tried to live a new life for him, but he did not like it, he realized that it was a mistake. He doesn’t want to torment himself or you anymore. But you don’t listen to him! Only he wants to start a frank direct conversation on this topic, you have urgent matters, telephone conversations, etc. He very much blamed before us and asked you and me to talk about it … ”, – suffered a fiasco. These words did not go further. She very tightly pressed her palms to her ears and began to sing songs. Seeing that everyone was silent, she got up, reported that she had business and left. “Then, girls, then, now it’s not up to that.”
Her desire to escape from reality was as great as the ability to ignore the obvious developed: you cannot save and preserve what is not. And there never was. She no longer surprised those around her, but frightened. The truth is that you cannot help a person if he does not want to. She did not want.
She is an ordinary girl or young woman. Whoever likes to count. And in our time, it has become so difficult to determine the age of a person in appearance. And not the main thing is how old a person is. How many of us, women, men are like that, the most ordinary, older, younger, more successful, less successful. Standard, average. So ordinary that, passing by us with a large crowd of people, not that you will not pay much attention, then you will never remember, but how she / he looks …
But each of us has a desire to be loved, in demand, and happy; there is a glimmer of hope that someday we will meet the one / the only one and will be understood, necessary, desired. At the same time, each of us experiences our emotions, our feelings. In any situation, no matter how much this situation pleases or saddens us, inspires, forcing us to feel “wings behind our back,” or kills, leaving us alone with life and ourselves. It is only accepted that we know what is going on in the soul of another, we know what he, this other feels, experiences. Nothing like this! In fact, nothing like that!
Therefore, each of us is unique, inimitable, that what we feel, we experience, each of us, others only represent. We live, reflect, emotionally react to the same situations, each in our own way. Individually, unique. According to our behavior, according to our words, actions are quite difficult to unambiguously recognize what is actually happening in our head, what is in our soul.
How many tears in this world have been shed not only by women, but also by men, from the feeling of hopelessness, loneliness, “no need for anything”? How many of us have felt cornered, devastated and tortured at the moment when you are faced with the fact: “I’m sorry, I’m leaving”, “Let’s live separately for a while?” … And how many tears were not shed, but suppressed in oneself, and what size would be the lump that would settle like a heavy dead weight in the souls of all those who experienced these feelings, forever settling in them, in their hearts, crushing hopes, plans, dreams? Crushing the person himself.
Whatever happens to any of us, she, life – will never stop.
And this ordinary, average, standard person, crushed, with emptiness inside, no longer trusting anyone, no longer hoping for anything, no longer wanting anything, continues to live.
To live without someone who was everything to him, was a meaning, was a motive, was an incentive, was a whole world …
To live without meaning, without incentive, without motive. Live in an empty lonely world. In a world without illusions, without hope, without faith, without love …
The simplified, exaggerated philosophical prose: “There is no sense in anything at all,” is not appropriate here. Here is something else. Everything is lost here due to the fact that we were abandoned, thrown, forgotten, exchanged …
No, if to be objective, then, after rewinding time and thinking, each of us understands that initially that version of relations with that particular person was a dead end and under no circumstances did it portend a “happy end”, moreover, without straining, will remember when “they sensed in my heart” that the moment had come when it was time to say goodbye. It seemed to me, it seemed to me, it seemed to me that we would be together, it was I who felt such an unimaginable something for this person … But I forgot to warn him about it … Or did not consider it necessary … Or decided how much time was allowed with him, so much and I will enjoy happiness, then we will figure out what will happen. And there was nothing and nothing! You cannot build happiness alone! Another commonplace truth is that you always have to work on relationships together, you always need to look in one direction and go in the same direction.
And when only “I” is heard in a relationship, when there was no “We” and did not appear, this is not a relationship, this is a game that each of us started in his own half of the field and played with himself a match that was initially doomed to failure. But the pain from the realization of this fact does not subside, the world is not filled with colors, and the past is not forgotten …
There is a great expression: “We must take fire from the past, not ash.” Apparently, when we learn not to bow before our pain and not to cultivate our own suffering, but to understand that, thanks to this particular person, the meeting with whom was certainly not accidental, I gained a very important life experience and nothing but gratitude for that this person was in my destiny, I do not feel for him. Then our destinies will begin not to break down, devaluing life itself, but to be our own creations, not suffering defeat from the presence or absence of someone in it. As well as the fact that “… over time, each of us will understand that there are people who will be with you, because you are who you are… and there are people who will turn away, because you do not want to be like them… We either we make ourselves miserable (unhappy), or we make ourselves strong – the amount of effort expended remains the same.
Disrespect for your partner and thoughts of your own pleasure turn sex into a real challenge. The experts talked about what other negative habits in bed you should get rid of in order to make intimate moments brighter and more pleasant. Oral sex Sex has its own rules and principles, which would be the right decision to follow. For example, everyone enjoys reciprocity when it comes to oral sex. If the partner does not want to do cunnilingus, then the girl has the right to refuse him oral sex. Prevention Using a condom in sex, especially with a new partner, is very important, and one cannot give up on his principles, even if he is a wonderful person and assures that it will be more pleasant without protection. A condom protects not only from unwanted pregnancy, but also from all sorts of diseases, so you should not neglect this item.
One-sided play It is not always possible for partners to achieve orgasm at the same time, but some allow themselves to get away from sex, having received what they want. Experts advise to always bring the matter to the end, because if you quickly say goodbye after your orgasm or fall asleep, this can speak of selfishness and rudeness. You can always finish what you started with caresses or continue the process after a short break. Reaction to Sounds The human body is capable of producing a lot of sounds due to natural processes in the body, and during sex, the likelihood of ridiculous moments is especially high. Reviews of many citizens confirm that if a partner cannot adequately perceive such things and relax, then you can forget about a pleasant pastime.
What is BDSM?
BDSM is a term used to described certain aspects of sex that can be split into these major groups: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism
Actions A bad lover might accidentally shift to BDSM or anal sex when there was no prior agreement. This can be called unforgivable in any pair, and experts advise against seeking excuses for such behavior. Also, some people do not want to adapt to their partner and do not react at all to his words or displeased facial expressions. Even the most romantic meeting can be spoiled by the unwillingness to try and learn, because not everyone has the skill and experience in sexual matters. Fake Fake orgasm can create misconceptions in your partner about his own abilities and can be very frustrating. If a talented acting game went unnoticed, then in the future a sincere partner can destroy the illusion of skill, which will undoubtedly shake a person’s self-esteem. Hygiene Everyone should take care of their own hygiene if they know that they will soon have a heated meeting with their beloved. It is okay to be sweaty and smell bad if the couple finds sex unexpectedly after training, but it is not permissible to practice this all the time.
Relationships that don’t exist
No matter how much you want to “close your eyes” in such a situation, you need to honestly ask yourself a question. “Am I ready to continue the relationship even under such conditions?”
Stop checking your life against another person’s watch
Across from me in the armchair is a pretty Jennifer, with eyes full of pain and despair, she tells her story. Unique and unrepeatable for her, with beautiful moments, flights in dreams and in reality, and an unexpected fall into the abyss of resentment and misunderstanding.
“What should I do? I love my boyfriend very much. But lately I feel that he has changed. When we meet, we just swear, sort things out, we insult each other. We even discussed the best time for the wedding. And now I am afraid that all our plans will finally fall apart. He is angry, rude and insulting to me, but this is most likely due to the fact that he feels bad too. But I don’t want to lose him, because everything was so good with us. My love for him is generally the best thing that was and is in my life. Please help me maintain my relationship! ”
Love is a wonderful feeling, but it is this that can plunge a person into the abyss of experiences, make him endure pain and lose the sense of reality.
Sometimes it’s hard to keep a relationship, and it’s even harder to let it go. Stories like this differ in details and shades of feelings, but all of them equally deeply hurt and make the party who most want to keep the relationship at any cost to suffer for years.
Let’s try to understand what’s going on.
Analyzing Jennifer’s situation in search of a way out, we find out that she takes all the pain and responsibility, trying to become good, works on herself (reads books on the topic of relationships, goes to trainings). The partner does not accept his part of the responsibility, continues to behave the same way. Moreover, a young man ignores and infringes upon her needs, can seriously offend her in word, and sometimes in deed. However, this state cannot last too long. Accumulating, it either causes a riot on the part of the girl, or turns into sacrifice. How to keep yourself from destructive emotions and not feel like a victim?
No matter how much you want to “close your eyes” in such a situation, you need to honestly ask yourself a question. “Am I ready to continue the relationship even under such conditions?”
The answer will be your decision, from which the man’s behavior can change. In the event that the relationship is expensive for him. But be prepared that change may not happen. You can understand how much a partner values the relationship by making joint agreements and establishing certain rules governing the relationship in a couple. If the partner is not ready to establish and comply with them (no matter for what reasons!), Then it will be necessary to admit that the relationship will not be able to develop further. Why?
The fact is that:
Relations are built on mutual observance by the parties of mutual agreements.
If they are not met, then there is no relationship. That is, these interactions can be called relations only in quotation marks. It is rather not a relationship, but a desire to have one (on the one hand).
A relationship is always a voluntary commitment to a partner, a contribution of two, and not a “one-sided” game.
If you have communicated your requests and wishes to your partner several times openly, and he continues to ignore you and not take certain steps in your direction, there is no point in hoping that the situation may someday change.
At least science doesn’t know magic ways to make one person respect another.
Yes, it takes a lot of courage to admit that there is no relationship, since there are no mutual obligations, respect and agreements. After all, it is YOU who allow your partner to behave towards you, at least not respectfully, agreeing to endure all his antics. Take a break, take the observer position. Observe and evaluate yourself, your emotions. Think about why YOU have difficulties in relationships, what YOUR qualities can interfere or, conversely, help. Start working on them. Remember, your responsibility is not to reeducate your partner, but to decide that disrespect will not be tolerated.
I can say for sure that a person comes to an appointment with a psychologist when he himself has done everything possible to maintain a relationship. So it’s time for him to save himself, his feelings and emotions. This is what becomes the target for joint work with a psychologist. It’s time to think about your plans and values, stop comparing your life with another person’s watch. Once you start thinking and acting in this way, everything will slowly return to normal, and feelings, and thoughts, and attitudes.
Toxic relationships are a one-sided game
In toxic relationships, one always suffers, does not manifest himself as a person, spends all emotional resources and feels devastated. This is a one-sided game, the rules of which are set by the second player. Few are able to get up and leave the field. Such relationships cripple people for a long time.
Love is a drug
While musicians romanticize and sing about love, Oxford University scientists, who are exploring the neurochemical part of this feeling, confidently assure that love is as much a drug as alcoholism or nicotine abuse.
Excitement, happiness, the desire to constantly be near your beloved, to touch, to change yourself for his sake – all this is similar to drug addiction.
There is no clear definition yet of what form of love should be considered an addiction. The researchers split into two camps. Some say that any attachment to another person is a neurochemical addiction, while others say that only unhealthy types of relationships cause such an effect.
In part, this makes it much more difficult to break up with a toxic partner than normal.
Leave, you can’t stay
It is generally accepted that recognizing toxic relationships is easy and simple. One of the partners keeps the other in total control, and his victim is deprived of the opportunity for personal growth, self-development, lacks happy emotions, feels discomfort, chronic stress and apathy. Long-term relationships of this nature can lead a person to a psychotherapist or even lead to suicide.
This description is one of the variants of unhealthy relationships. Much more often, the partner’s toxicity is imperceptible, dressed in the form of overprotection. They can be stretched out for a while, while none of the partners will understand what exactly is wrong with them, therefore, there will be no reason for parting.
Signs of toxicity
If one of the partners for a long time does not feel happiness from the relationship, is stressed and prone to depression, he should ask himself the question: “Is this generally love or addiction?
If the answer is addiction, then the current relationship should be seriously reconsidered. Perhaps it makes sense to quit bad habits.
- The partner is putting pressure.
There are generally accepted stereotypes. For example, a man should be masculine and a woman should be feminine. At the same time, the meaning that people put into the words “masculinity” and “femininity” are not only individual for everyone, but are often contradictory. Relationships are toxic, the partner does not accept the other as he is and tries to break him, making him “perfect”.
In the movie “The Prestige” the following dialogue often occurred between the hero and his wife:
If the partner is not twins living the same life for two, then this dialogue will become commonplace. A stuffy person, sometimes unwillingly, arranges an emotional swing, leading to a breakdown, and immediately after that confessing his love.
The carrot and whip method increases emotional attachment, and the longer a relationship lasts, the harder it will be to end it.
A toxic person needs to know exactly who their couple communicates with on social networks, who they call, who they spend time with, and what time they will be at home. At the same time, they have no objective reason for jealousy. They just want to occupy all the personal space of their half, depriving them of personal space and free time. Often, toxic husbands forbid their wives to work, making them not only emotionally, but also financially dependent on them.
This attitude is not jealousy, not caring, and certainly not “cute.” Over time, the victim begins to feel like a prison in his own home.
In a toxic relationship, the aggressor does not value the victim’s achievements, but he exposes any shortcomings and oversights to ridicule. The victims themselves often justify them with a peculiar sense of humor, but again this is a manipulation designed to trample the partner’s self-esteem, tying him to himself even more.
- Building a sense of duty
If the abuser devalues the achievements of the partner, then he will present his own as if he is doing the greatest favor. Over time, his couple will feel indebted not only to him (emotionally, financially and sexually), but to all of his friends and family.
A toxic relationship isn’t just between a man and a woman. A very common bond is parents and a child whom they do not want to recognize as an adult and let go of their life.
There are only two ways to break out of this vicious circle. If the abuser realizes that he is behaving incorrectly and wants to change, then you can try to go to a psychologist and work together on problems. If not, then there is only one advice: stop playing with one goal, sincerely believing in love, care, in the fact that a person will understand everything and correct himself. You need to run away from such a relationship, despite all the “buts”. However, the help of a specialist will still be required to restore mental balance.